Encircle me I need to be taken down

burningsulfur <br><br>

NEW JOURNAL.
Comment to be added.

One day I will like myself.
But not today.
Note to self: never get drunk around people that I dont know extremely well ever again.

I want a pretty boy with pretty hipbones to curl up next to me in my bed and kiss my neck and behind my ear and cradle his face in the nook of my neck while holding me close and running his hands over my hips and I want him to reach over me and touch my hand so that I open my palm to his and interlace our fingers I want to gasp while our lips are touching and fall asleep with tangled limbs.

I need someone so badly. I'm so lonely. All I want is for someone to care about me and hold me and treat me like I'm beautiful.
please please please.
I'm not a patient person, so please don't tell me to be.
I just want to have it already.

I'm really scared.
But I can't talk about it with you.

I have this feeling in my gut like the whole world is about to fall apart.
It's scaring the shit out of me.
Ominous, I guess, would be the adjective to describe it.
Something is about to happen.
I have goose bumps and a clenched fist in my tummy.
I wish I had as many hands as I do friends, so I could grab hold of them all at the same time, so that they can't fall away from me.
I feel alone.
Abandoned, and I'm not sure why.
I want to rock back and fourth and chain smoke till by throat bleeds.
Oh Comely by Neutral Milk Hotel wont get out of my head.
I feel like the song feels like I do.
Maybe you get that.
Maybe you dont.

I want to stop posting on this because everything I say ends up being wrong.

Man.
Everyone annoys me now a'days.
I need a new LJ.

How many times have I sat around listening to Elliott Smith trying to figure out where I went wrong and how life turned into this thing I dread experiencing rather than something I look foreward too?
I need something. I'm constantly looking for that something. I've looked for it in drugs, and fooled myself into thinking that I'd found it and that I'd be okay as long as I was fucked up, but that is no way to live. Why can't I be happy without intoxication? When did I become the person I am?
Normal people aren't like this. I don't want to be like this.
I wan't to go to college. I want to go to a real college, too. Not some bullshit like Savannah Tech. I want to study Russian literature and take a painting class and figure out what the fuck I want to be.
I want to get out of Savannah and move somewhere with all four seasons. I want to see snow. Actual snow that sticks to the ground.
I want to know what I'm talking about when I'm having an intellectual conversation. I want friendships that dont end over stupid shit. I want to get away from the bullshit.
It's time for me to grow up, but I don't know where to begin.
I'm so excited and discouraged at the same time because I feel like my goals are unattainable.
I feel so dumb lately. I think I lost a big chunk of my vocabulary to drugs. I want it back. I want me back, but a better me.
I want to give someone a reason to love me, because I don't think I have enough of those right now.
When am I going to get out of this rut?
Rut! Stop! I mean go?
I don't know.
Someone just please help me fix me, because I honestly don't know where to begin to get to where I would like to be.

So, Kaitlin and I aren't friends anymore or some shit.
Whatever.
Fuck her.
She's a fucking snob.

I feel very alone in this really wierd way.
I need someone to care for me no-strings-attached.
I feel like I fucked over the one person I know will always do that.

Wow.
Hah.
That poem sucks.
I blame drugs.

My heart spoke another language when it heard you talk
It even sprouted legs and began to walk
through a desert of dry self denial
In order to reach something of which it was better off
It used to beat for pure cocaine
Now it beats on every word you say
You are the one drug I can't touch
but I've been craving you for days
Days
Days
These days go by
and they strangle me
I'm choking from the lack of air
that you are breathing
You get me over things
like thoughts of a boy with cruel intentions and sharp teeth
saying "hurry up bitch. I can't get off unless you cry, I want to make you bleed"
My life was such a fucking tragedy
Now I'm living strong and so set free
from the bird cage my head put my heart in


(to be continued, Greyson needs the computer...)

Oh Jeezus.
I made a pretty big mistake.
I give up on having a love life.
I'm going to join the convent and... die.

I am so happy right now.
I feel... free or something.
I'm completely over Leighton.
I have no emotions towards this boy, and I could care less who he fucks or becomes.
That whole scene, with Olivia and Ellesse and blah blah blah... They mean nothing to me, and it feels so fucking great!
I got my heart back.
It's my heart and I'm ready to share it with someone that is actually deserving, you know?
I like Micah so much.
It's almost overwhelming.
I want to tangle my limbs around his body and just lay on a bed feeling each others hearts beat against each other.
Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't be interested in this guy if he werent a little fucked up, but what is different about him is that he is actually willing to let me help him.
I want this boy so badly!
Fuck Athens, I want Micah.
<3

I fell asleep sideways and slipped under the covers into the world where our insides are out slipping and sliding nothing to grab hold of someone just ran off with my heart


Fuck.
I cannot let this happen.
I cannot like him.
We haven't even met.
Even when we do, I can't let this happen.
If I fall again I'm afraid I'll break.
I shouldn't care that he never texted back.
He's just a boy and I'm just a girl and we are just talking.
I feel so stupid.

Reply to this post, and I'll tell you one reason why I like you. Then put this in your own journal, and spread the love.

Birds exploded from the trees and then she dragged me underground.
I've scrubbed my skin raw but I still feel dirty.

Before



After





I miss being naive, skinny, and naked.
Violet, do you remember this?
"Things change, friends leave, and life doesn't stop for anybody"
We thought we were so smart. We thought we'd been through everything.
However, I don't think we understood the reality of what we quoted.
We have grown up, grown apart, and now I have a question that I think only you would understand.
Is anything really "infinite" anymore?

Savannah is fucking hot.
The internet is gay.